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If anything can go wrong, it will. |
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway. |
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked smthg. |
Mother nature is a bitch. |
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. |
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. |
Nothing is as easy as it looks. |
Every solution breeds new problems. |
You will always find something in the last place you look. |
The other line always moves faster. |
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. |
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. |
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. |
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. |
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules. |
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. |
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. |
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it. |
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will. |
Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect-whatever you do will always come back |
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again. |
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be. |
A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation |
If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity. |
Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want. |
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. |
Murphy's Household Laws |
What goes up must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used cereal. |
Three children plus two cookies equals a fight. |
A newly washed window gathers dirt at twice the speed of an unwashed one. |
Murphy's Computers Laws |
Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user. |
Any cool program always requires more memory than you have. |
No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough. |
A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs. |
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. |
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. |
The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital information that has not been backed up. |
Murphy's Laws for Law Enforcement |
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. |
The only perfect science is hindsight. |
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. |
Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty. |
Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway. |
Do unto others, but do it first. |
Murphy's Love and Sex Laws |
All the good ones are taken. |
If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1) |
You get the best sex from the worst one for you. |
It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one. |
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. |
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant. |
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. |
Never say no. |
You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. |
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. |
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. |
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. |
Love makes believers of us all. (translation: Love obscures common sense.) |
Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. |
Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague. |
Murphy's Laws of Commerce |
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. |
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. |
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month
than you did before. |
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would
be so many. |
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. |
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. |
If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't. |
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. |
No one gets sick on Wednesdays. |
Following the rules will not get the job done. |
The longer the title, the less important the job. |
Machines that have broken down will work fine when the repairman arrives. |
Murphy's Technology Laws |
Everything that goes up must come down. |
When all else fails, read the instructions. |
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. |
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious. |
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases. |
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. |
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. |
We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything. |
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. |
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection. |
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. |
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. |
Murphy's
Teaching Laws |
The clock in the instructor's room will be wrong. |
Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room. |
A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students. |
The problem child will be a school board member's son. |
New students come from schools that do not teach anything. |
Clocks will run more quickly during free time. |
On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent |
Good students move away. |
Murphy's
Military Laws |
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. |
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. |
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. |
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. |
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready &
when you're not. |
There is no such thing as a perfect plan. |
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping. |
Weather ain't neutral. |
'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go. |
He said, "Cheer up: it could be worse!" So we cheered up. And it got worse. |