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If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked smthg.
Mother nature is a bitch.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Every solution breeds new problems.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect-whatever you do will always come back
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation
If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Murphy's Household Laws
What goes up must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used cereal.
Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
A newly washed window gathers dirt at twice the speed of an unwashed one.
Murphy's Computers Laws
Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
Any cool program always requires more memory than you have.
No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital
information that has not been backed up.
Murphy's Laws for Law Enforcement
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
The only perfect science is hindsight.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.
Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.
Do unto others, but do it first.
Murphy's Love and Sex Laws
All the good ones are taken.
If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
You get the best sex from the worst one for you.
It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are
unimportant.
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
Never say no.
You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words
to convey its full meaning.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Love makes believers of us all. (translation: Love obscures common sense.)
Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the
plague.
Murphy's Laws of Commerce
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than
you did before.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be
so many.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work fine when the repairman arrives.
Murphy's Technology Laws
Everything that goes up must come down.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well
pleases.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with
confidence.
Murphy's Teaching Laws
The clock in the instructor's room will be wrong.
Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room.
A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students.
The problem child will be a school board member's son.
New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
Clocks will run more quickly during free time.
On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent
Good students move away.
Murphy's Military Laws
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to
waste a bullet on you.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready & when
you're not.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
Weather ain't neutral.
'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
He said, "Cheer up: it could be worse!" So we cheered up. And it got worse.
 
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